July 2015

Halo Arnold.

It's been less than a week.
Only, less than a week.
But it's still hurts.
A lot.

Everytime I see the pictures, everytime I interact with the people, my chest hurts.
I can't hold my tears.

Everytime I do something that hints our future to be, I cried.
Out of happiness.
I can't wait to end this and start something new.
I keep wondering about the future.
With you.

Sometimes when I face an obstacle on my process, I get mad; I hate myself and everyone that cause it.
I want to scream, I have someone who loves me, who values me, who wants to build a future with me! Someone like me! Please let me go...please let me be happy...please...

I envy on what you have there.
Friends, family, life.
I envy you for everything that you have around you.

It's been only a week.
How am I supposed to live the rest of 5 months and 3 weeks?
Until we meet again...?
And afterwards, the cycles starts again.

I can do this.
We can do it.
Until the future we have dreamt of comes and greet us like an old friend who has been waiting so long.
I can't wait for that.

Until then, I will always love you.

November Rain

November, 2014.

It was a rainy season on November. Something that I don't really like, because I need to wear raincoat while driving on my scooter. I can't wash my scooter properly because after she got washed then the rain comes and it will get dirty again. Sucks.

I met this friend of mine while I took care for my colleague's dorm. He also stayed at the dorm. I had problem with the documents for my colleague then I decided to text that guy for more information. He also a lawyer apprentice (in my opinion). I got his number from another friend of ours. Then we proceeded to talk, talk, and talk, almost everyday. He is a nice guy, too friendly in my eyes. He is the type of guy who would drives women to a wrong way of relationship. Well, I almost fell into his charm also but I survived!

Later, I had dinner every night or maybe just coffee at our building. We talked about our everyday life. Anything that happened in my life. I feel comfortable when I talk to him. I told him my problem with my small family. How I want to get divorced. How my love life sucks. How my lovely my daughter is. I had good time with him.

One day, I asked him for another coffee in the evening.

"Hey Troy! Mind for another cup of coffee tonight?" I wrote him text.
"Hee Sierra! Sorry but my friend is coming from Netherlands today! So I might go out with him! Means I can't have coffee with you. But do you want to join us for dinner?" He replied.
"Dinner? Sounds great! Sure I want to join! What time?"
"Is 6 good with you?"
"Sure! See you later!"

Wow, another foreigner friends! How good it would be? I always dreamt to have foreigner friends. Imagine talking language that isn't ours, how you would struggle to understand each other? That would be great isn't it? Only I didn't know that later that friends of Troy would change my life and feelings...

Introduction

Hello.

I'm a 25 year old woman. A mother of a beautiful 5 year old daughter. A soon to be single parent. And a Lover.

I have found my Waldo.

This is a real time story. Some part has happened in the past, for sure. But I just wanted to share everything that is occurring in my life that related to something that many people try and struggle or maybe don't even care about it, love.

I think I have surrender. Surrender trying to find another "perfect" man, while I know there's no such thing as perfect. Perfect means, perfect for yourself! Suits yourself best. He would be the only and the last for you. Someone who will make you trying to change. Trying to understand each other more. Trying to make the other happy. And finally I have the reason with me.

He lives far away from me. Approximately 7000 miles. Yeah, distance that can't be done by driving, let alone walking. But I'm glad. Glad that I tried. Even though this is just a start. But I never feel this excited to start something before.

Until this second of my life, I'm still married. Yeah I know you might question me about this. How come I have a relationship with another guy when I'm still married? Isn't it counted as cheating? Yeah it is. I admit it. And I don't want to end this (the relationship not the marriage). I probably sound very selfish. But that doesn't mean I'm not trying though. I'm a person who take things slowly and believe there would be a great time to do it rather than pushing it and force ourselves to do it and would ended miserably. So this thing will be followed up step by step and of course would updated it as the story goes.

So my story starts on November...